I would always ask this one family member for guidance and advice when I had to make big decisions. One day I asked him why he was so negative, rude, and harsh about everything.
His response showed me he was not on my side. I realized his negative responses were not intended to make me consider all options but to make me, as he called it, "be a woman”. That meant: weak, incompetent, unable to make decisions, needy, and hateful toward strong men.
He never wanted me to succeed because in his mind it would make me controlling and better than a man. He believed no woman would ever be better than a man in the world of business and he had to keep me in my place. I was devastated when I realized all of this. I trusted him and he took pride in trying to destroy me. It has taken me seven years to remove his words from my actions and overcoming traditional gender roles that he believed in was key to my success.
I trusted him and he took pride in trying to destroy me.
Last year I made my first big decision and purchased a plot of land without his advice, guidance, or input. Three months later I shared my decision with him and received the same feedback. I was done with him. Last month I made another big decision and put the land up for sale. I have not mentioned it to him – nor will I. I realized my dreams are too big and too important for me to allocate my time and energy to that kind of mindset.
Every day I have to “Slay The Nay” inside me. I have allowed so many Naysayers to rest, rule, and abide over me and within me, that I've accumulated their viewpoints and it's a daily battle. Sometimes, it makes me second guess my decisions and doubt my competence to do big things. Despite that, everyday I deliberately choose to make decisions without needing confirmation and to accept that it may be the wrong decision. At times I may need to change things if I am wrong instead of bathing in self-doubt. Sometimes it scares the hell out of me, then I tell myself - that hell needed to leave anyway. I'm working on trusting myself with my dreams and goals, even when doubt creeps in.
Currently I am working on securing financial stability for my grandkids. With the current economic state of this world, they are going to need a lot of help just to make ends meet when they become adults. To help them I want to give each of them a debt free home, $100,000 in the bank, five rental properties for perpetual cash flow, and the education needed to maintain good financial health for themselves and their next generation. My parents gave me the knowledge I needed to reach my goals. Many of my family members put things in place for their kid’s future and I don’t want to be the one to end their legacy. I am also working on building my own neighborhood.
I don’t want to be the one to end their legacy.
In addition to that, I am preparing for my retirement. I have built a self-sustaining Accounting and Tax business, and I don’t want to leave my clients helpless or blindsided when I retire or if I die. So, I asked Jennifer (a young colleague new to entrepreneurship) to join forces with me. We worked together during my employee days. I will train her and she will be able to buy the business when I retire with little disruption to the clients. By training her I will have additional part-time help and create an ethically responsible, client friendly, top notch tax professional that will be an asset to the profession. I am also tutoring another friend that went back to school for her Accounting degree. Either way my business will be left in the hands of experienced, knowledgeable, confident, and trustworthy professionals. And if they don’t join me, at least I have improved the profession.
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